The Wild Wild West of Sober Living
I will talk to anyone and everyone about sober living (I will at times refer to it as “alcohol free living,” as well). Because as much as the conversations may help someone else, they always teach me something, too. That brings us here, to this post. Because there’s nothing like having a thought bouncing around in your brain incessantly for days to provide motivation to actually write the first, official blog post for the website I created ages ago. Am I right?
So, I’ll start at the beginning. Kinda.
A friend reached out the other day after getting out of rehab. We had been chatting back and forth for a bit before she said something that I honest to god haven’t been able to stop thinking about since.
She said she was amazed I got sober on my own.
And then she started describing how she’s going to meetings and has other accountability set up to help keep her on track.
Now, it really wasn’t what she said, it was more so how she said it. Like me doing it on my own, without a 12-step program or any other accountability group or even a mentor/sponsor was somehow better or, at the very least, more impressive.
So I found myself ruminating on this comment for days. And, I realized this morning as I was running out of my house at 6 AM to get to my day job, it’s something that needs to be shared.
First, a disclaimer.
Just because I stopped drinking one way does not mean it’s going to work for everyone. And there is absolutely no best way to get (and be) sober, either.
Now, back to me.
I am so fucking stubborn.
I will not back down from a challenge. And if I sense that someone even slightly doubts me, I will literally do everything in my power to prove them wrong.
I am not saying these are excellent traits, because they absolutely have their faults. But they are part of what got me through those first few years of sobriety.
Like when you hear someone say they “white-knuckled” it, what comes to mind? Because if you don’t already have a mental image, let me paint you an image.
I just decided one day that I was done with drinking. Sure, the entire process for me to get to that exact moment in time was much longer than that. But it happened in one moment.
One moment, I identified as a party girl. The next, I was sober.
Seems easy enough, right?
LOL
My identity was completely tied to drinking and partying. In fact, much of my self-worth was caught up in there, too.
The only other person I knew who didn’t drink was my uncle. And that was never talked about. Like ever. I grew up knowing something was different about him, but it wasn’t until I had a conversation with him when I was in college WHERE I INVITED HIM TO GET A BEER WITH ME that I learned that he did not, in fact, drink.
My dad is an incredibly supportive person, but he could only understand to a point.
My mother told me that I was wrong and could not be an “alcoholic” when I first told her I was done drinking.
Not to forget my then mother-in-law who was supportive, but would offer me a drink every time I saw her and when I reminded her that I wasn’t drinking, a look of shock and disbelief would cross her face before she said, “WOW are you really still doing that whole not drinking thing?”
And my siblings are all younger so it’s not like they had this lived experience I could look to for guidance, knowledge, and understanding.
I honestly had no fucking idea what I was doing.
But what I did know is that an aunt of mine had made a comment about how the “proper” way to get sober was to go to AA meetings and get a sponsor.
*Me, to me: challenge accepted*
I may not have known much, but the one thing I did know was that I was not going to AA or any other 12-step program.
Not because they don’t work. They absolutely do. I mean, look at the number of people who attend meetings and have been sober for decades longer than me.
So, I decided that I wasn’t joining AA because I didn’t want to dwell on the past. I didn’t want to talk about all of the ways I completely f’d up during my drinking years.
That part of my life was done.
What I realize now is that I wanted to focus on the future. I wanted to channel my energy into creating a brand new life for myself, one that didn’t rely on alcohol to cope. One where I didn’t black out nearly every weekend rather than feeling my feelings.
But I digress.
So… I didn’t know another alcohol free soul my age. And the people in my life were as supportive as they could be, but it was really just me out there, experiencing the wild wild west of sober living alone.
I was the definition of “flying by the seat of your pants.” Of “white knuckling it.” And of, generally speaking, being a stubborn asshole.
It wasn’t until my friend said what she did that I realized that this stuff needs to be talked about. I forgot that if I don’t talk about it, no one knows about it.
Let’s be real, it is so easy to get wrapped up in the “omg sobriety is amazing” and the “look at how much better my life is now” bits that we forget to talk about the other times. The ones where we were literally dragging ourselves through life, not sure how we were going to make it another day.
It doesn’t matter if you go to AA or you join a group or work with a therapist or whatever it is that you decide to do. Cutting alcohol out of your life is hard as fuck.
There is no one way to get sober. And there is most definitely not just one way to stay sober.
This sober journey that we are on is as unique as we are.
So, here’s my challenge for you.
Put up the blinders (I think this is the proper phrase… Like the things they put on race horses so they don’t get distracted by everything and everyone around them).
Set reminders for yourself throughout the day that tell you to not give one flying fuck about what anyone else is doing.
And remember that, no matter who you are or where you are along your sober journey, you are so fucking magical. Own it, bitch.
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