Yes, I Opted Out of AA

Alcoholics Anonymous (aa).

I imagined it would be just like it is in the movies. People sitting in uncomfortable and mismatched plastic chairs, drinking burnt coffee, and listening to someone talk about the worst moments of their life.

In my mind, it would be held in a dingy church basement with flickering fluorescent lights.

And I hated it.

Now, before anyone asks, yes, I have heard of the “try it first and then decide” philosophy. But I decided to trust my gut. To this day, I have yet to step through the doors of an aa meeting.

People Love Sharing Their Opinions

I didn’t broadcast my decision. I just knew that a 12-step program would not be beneficial to my sobriety.

And you can bet your ass that, when they found out, people made their opinions known. I heard the “you’re not going to stay sober without it.” And the “there is no way you can do it alone.” Plus, the “believe me, you’ll change your mind.” As well as the “are you even taking this seriously?”

I heard it all. And all it did was reinforce my decision to venture into the wide world of sobriety alone.

Before I get too deep into my own story, I feel obligated to remind you that each sober journey is unique. Meaning, some people truly benefit from aa or another 12-step program. And if you fall into that category, kudos. I am truly happy you’ve found something that works for you.

It simply wasn’t for me. So, I opted out.

Trusted My Gut and Opted Out

In this instance, I trusted my intuition even though I felt so lost and unsure of so many other things in my life.

I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s an uneasy, uncomfortable, anxiety-ridden feeling. It’s like someone or something is desperately pushing back against whatever it is I am considering.

So, every time I thought about attending an aa meeting, I was met with that resistance.

Now, the first year I was sober, I didn’t dig any deeper than that. I simply accepted the fact that my body was fiercely fighting against it.

In fact, it wasn’t until I started writing my book that I actually began to break those feelings down.

Not Big On Organized Religion

First and foremost, I realized I had categorized aa alongside organized religion. And, without digressing completely, I had (and still have) issues with organized religions.

And this realization was one of those face-palm-no-shit moments. But I had a distinct feeling there was so much more lurking under the surface that was my decision. So, in true adhd fashion, digging deeper became my hyper fixation. I was determined to uncover every single reason I had felt this monumental decision to opt out of aa.

I hated how much prayer and religion were incorporated into every aspect of aa. While I can appreciate that some people have benefited from religion, in terms of their sobriety, returning to a group that put God and prayer at its core was not going to happen.

I Am Not Powerless

The “we are powerless over alcohol” phrase kept swirling around in my brain. And every time it did, a boiling hot rage began to bubble up in my body. I hate being told what I am capable of doing. I hate being told what to do. And I sure as fuck hate when someone who knows absolutely nothing about my life makes an assumption about me. Let alone try to take away my power and my self-sufficiency immediately and without hesitation.

Always Forward, Never Back

Last, but certainly not least, everything felt rooted in the past. The sharing of war stories in meetings and the continual reminder of how much you fucked up your life left a bitter taste in my mouth. It felt wrong and honestly, backwards.

After getting sober, I took that part of my life (my drinking years), boxed it up, and sealed it tight. I decided that it was my past. I was done dwelling on the embarrassment and shame over mistakes made.

In that moment- the moment I decided to never drink again- I took a step forward, into a new section of my life. I was ready to move forward, and I knew I was never going to get there if I dwelled on the past.

It’s Your Decision

Your sobriety is not intrinsically tied to aa or another 12-step program.

So, when I made the decision to stop drinking, it was just that. It was a decision, a choice, a promise that I made to myself. And I rearranged every single aspect of my life to accommodate it. The minute I made that promise to myself, my only option was success. So, I cut out drinking buddies that were actually only around for the party, not for me. I stopped going to the bar and the club. Then I removed all alcohol from my home. I got rid of every single wine glass and shot glass, and any type of glass that reminded me of drinking.

I turned my life inside out to set myself up for success, to ensure that I would never again drink. And I began focusing on relearning how to live without alcohol.

Well, that’s how I got sober. And it’s how I’ve stayed sober. I opted out of aa. And I began focusing on the days ahead of me and the new life I was creating for myself.